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Songfic:Impossible
OA is Shontelle. Part of the Songfic Series. Leafpool. Squirrelflight. Both. Enjoy! Impossible I remember years ago, '' ''Someone told me I should take Caution when it came to love :Cinderpelt sat in front of the tiny tabby kit, "Leafkit, I think you would make an excellent apprentice. But it is important you understand," she paused, "Medicine cats aren't allowed to have mates or kits. You can never go back on this. You will never have a mate, never have children. It is forbidden." There was an ache in the medicine cat's meow, but Leafkit was too busy daydreaming about her apprentice ceremony, sure to happen any day now, to pay much attention. :"I know Cinderpelt," she meowed, seriously, "I don't want a mate!" :Cinderpelt gazed down at the small cat, her eyes alight with wishes and memories, "But you will." she meowed, too softly for the kit to hear, "You will." I did. :And so that's how it was. Other she-cats learned from their mothers and friends about how to be cautious with toms, how to make sure it was the right tom, that they loved them. Leafpaw learned to ignore toms altogether. And she never had any regrets. I did. :Blue eyes flashed in the storm, "There, I saved you." :"Thank you," Leafpool meowed earnestly. :The cat turned away, unmistakable pain in every move he made. "It's not fair," he muttered, "It's not fair..." And you were strong, '' :"Squirrelflight!" the ginger she-cat turned to see her sister bounding towards her. "Can we go for a walk?" :"Leafpool, it's the middle of the night! It's storming! I wouldn't even be up if I didn't have to use the StarClan forsaken dirt-place...." :Leafpool's eyes were wild with urgency, "No." she meowed, "We ''need ''to take a walk." :Squirrelflight's eyes widened in understanding and the two she-cats quickly padded out, into the forest. Leafpool was slow, but determined and she knew she only had a little bit of time before she wouldn't be able to walk. :''Thank goodness I have Squirrelflight. She'll help...Squirrelflight is strong. She can do this. ''I can do this!'' And I was not. :Squirrelflight looked over at her sister. Leafpool was shivering and Squirrelflight was worried- Leafpool's tabby pelt was much shorter then her own ginger fur. But her sister continued pushing on through and so Squirrelflight did as well. :How did my sister- the perfect medicine cat- get caught up with Crowfeather and having his kits when an adventurous cat like me doesn't have a mate yet? ''There was no jealousy in her thought, just sadness and wonderment. ''My illusion, :Leafpool was trying to warm up the kits. The biggest kit, a golden tom was already suckling and the black she-cat was burrowing into Leafpool's stomach. But the tiny gray tabby was still lying quite still. :"Rub his fur the wrong way! Do something!" Leafpool hissed at her sister. Squirrelflight hurriedly rubbed at the kits pelt. After what seemed like an eternity, the kit let out a weak mewl and opened his eyes a sliver. :"There we go!" Squirrelflight meowed in relief. :"What beautiful eyes..." Leafpool meowed, watching the tiny tabby, as if in a trance. :Squirrelflight shifted uncomfortably, "Leafpool, are you sure everything's okay?" :The medicine cat nodded, still gazing at her kits. :"Leafpool," Squirrelflight meowed gently, "We need to get back to camp!" :Leafpool's face was a mixture of emotions. Weariness, she didn't want to travel just yet. And obviously pain. She was already missing the kits she would have to give up. Squirrelflight's heart went out to her sister, feeling her pain as if these were her own kits, being given away. My mistake. :Stop being such a mouse-brain! Leafpool told herself, This was your mistake, these kits aren't supposed to be here! Every single heartbeat breaks the medicine and warrior codes! :But she couldn't bring herself to regret her kits, or her time with Crowfeather. :"What are you going to name them?" Squirrelflight asked. :Leafpool surveyed her kits carefully, "Lionkit," she settled on for the golden tom. She could see the great makings of a warrior in him. :The black she-cat looked like a thinker, someone who was crafty and smart, "Hollykit." :"What about the little tom?" :Leafpool's eyes softened a little, "Jaykit," she meowed, tapping him on the head with her tail. The tiny kit let out a mewl of annoyance and Leafpool purred sadly. Out of all of her kits, Jaykit reminded her the most of Crowfeather. I was careless, I forgot. :Squirrelflight was carrying Hollykit, Leafpool had Lionkit balanced precariously on her back and Jaykit in her mouth. :Her heart ached as she followed her sister back to camp where she would have to exclaim 'Squirrelflight had her kits!'. And then she would have to watch her kits from the medicine den, not as their mother, but as Leafpool, the medicine cat, their mother's sister. :Stop it! You knew you would have to give these kits up! I did. :The stars were beginning to disappear from the sky with the coming dawn and Leafpool rose her eyes to meet a vanishing star. :Why did you let me forget my Clan, my duty? ''She begged her warrior ancestors, ''Why did you let me do this? And now, when all is done :"I'm so sorry," Squirrelflight whispered. Leafpool felt as if the ground had dropped out from underneath her, leaving her to fall and fall and fall, to a place where Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, and and Jayfeather knew she was their mother. :"They hate ''me!" Squirrelflight whispered, her voice thick with pain. :Leafpool flinched and wrapped her tail around her sister. She looked up, finding a star through the bramble branches. ''It's over. No more secrets. '' ''There is nothing to say! :"What do you want me to tell you?" Leafpool meowed wearily. :"Tell me it isn't true!" Hollyleaf's meow was high-pitched. Her eyes were fierce, but Leafpool could hear the need behind her kit's meow. Hollyleaf needed to hear that Leafpool wasn't her mother. Hollyleaf needed to hear that she wasn't an accident, a broken rule, a half-Clan. :"Well?" Hollyleaf screeched, her eyes wild, "Tell me it isn't true!" :Leafpool shook her head sadly, "I can't." You have gone and so effortlessly... :"Crowfeather! Crowfeather!" :Crowfeather was stalking away from her, his tail lashing back and forth, cutting down the wildflowers. Leafpool chased after him, crushing the fallen flowers in her path, "Crowfeather!" :The smoky gray tom glanced back with blue eyes full of hate and love and pain. Then he dissolved into mist leaving Leafpool to wake in her nest, tears soaking through the moss. You have won. :"Ashfur's dead?" Leafpool meowed in shock. Firestar nodded sadly and Leafpool bowed her head. Ashfur's curious death would torment her forever, but he couldn't reveal her secret at the Gathering anymore! :Leafpool joined her sister and Brambleclaw as they padded towards the island. Leafpool looked back to where her kits were walking together, bunched up together and whispering. They stopped and glared at Leafpool when they saw her looking. Leafpool turned and kept walking. :The gathering began without a hitch. Leafpool was half-listening to Firestar's report when the flame-colored tom nodded to Onestar, Hollyleaf stood. Leafpool turned, with a sinking heart. :"You think you-" :"What are you doing?" Firestar hissed. :"Let her speak!" Leopardstar hissed. Blackstar and Onestar nodded in interested agreement. :Hollyleaf dipped her head graciously. She looked to Leafpool. You killed Ashfur to keep this secret and now you're going to betray it yourself? '' :"I won't," Leafpool whispered, then louder, "I've kept this secret for too many moons, I'm not going to spill it now." ''You can go ahead, tell them! :"Tell them," Leafpool meowed, "Tell them. I'm tired of the secrets." :Squirrelflight was glancing frantically between her sister and a puzzled looking Brambleclaw. Jayfeather and Lionblaze were frozen, identical looks of horror on their faces. :"You think you know me." Hollyleaf meowed, her voice trembling. "But you don't. You've been lied too!" Tell them all I know now :"Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight are not out parents!" :"What?!" Brambleclaw rounded on Squirrelflight whose tail twitched nervously. :"Our true parents are Leafpool and Crowfeather of WindClan!" :There was a huge eruption of noise. :"You didn't tell me?" Brambleclaw asked his mate, looking hurt. :"I was going to!" Squirrelflight meowed. :"Didn't you think you could trust me?" :Squirrelflight's response was cut off by Crowfeather standing up. The clearing fell silent as the tom turned to face Leafpool. :He was breath-takingly handsome. Gray-black pelt had been groomed well for the Gathering and blue eyes glared at her. She remembered a time where they showed nothing but love. Now there was anything but. :How many she-cats had fallen for this argumentative WindClan warrior? Leafpool could almost see Feathertail's ghost, a pale shadow on Crowfeather's shoulder, looking at her with pity. Nightcloud stood on his other side, hackles raised. Leafpool stood as well, across the clearing from him. :"Tell me it's not true," Crowfeather meowed. Leafpool almost flinched. Hollyleaf had asked her that too. All the cats she loved most wanted the thing she couldn't give them. Shout it from the rooftops. :Leafpool could see rows of unblinking eyes staring at her. She could deny everything. But she knew in her heart she would never do that. :She made her voice loud enough for the whole Gathering to hear, even though the only cat she needed to talk to was Crowfeather. :"It's true." Write it on the skyline. :Lionblaze's tail drooped, like he'd been hoping for it to be a silly rumor the whole time. Jayfeather gazed stoically ahead, but Leafpool could see his tenseness. Hollyleaf glared at her with such hatred in her green eyes it almost knocked Leafpool off her paws. :Crowfeather shook his head, "You're lying," :"I would never lie to you Crowfeather," Leafpool's meow was softer this time, for his ears only. :His blue gaze caught her eyes and for a moment she was held there, remembering why she loved him in the first place. All we had is gone now... :"Crowfeather had only one son- Breezepelt!" :Leafpool was jolted out of her trance by Nightcloud's irritating meow. The WindClan she-cat crouched, looking as if she would jump at Leafpool and tear her to shred. Leafpool almost wanted her to. :She could never be a medicine cat again after this. Her kits hated her. Crowfeather hated her. Her father would be disappointed. Her Clan would resent her. No one would ever trust her again. :"I'm not listening to this!" :"Brambleclaw!" :Leafpool turned to see her sister dashing after her mate. And I've ruined Squirrelflight's life as well! :I've lost everything! Tell them I was happy :"How could you do this to us?" Hollyleaf hissed at Leafpool. :Leafpool turned to her daughter. "I...I loved you. Squirrelflight loved you. I was happy, helping her raise you, even tohugh I knew you'd never really be mine." Now my heart is broken. :When they were born, Leafpool remembered she had longed to keep her kits. But that had been impossible. :As they grew, she had hoped to be a big part of their lives. :Now that had failed too. All my scars are open. :Crowfeather and Nightcloud were hissing while Breezepelt had his eyes narrowed at Lionblaze and Jayfeather who sat silently, shoulders hunched. Hollyleaf was oblivious to it all, glaring at Leafpool. The Gathering was alive with mutters. Even the leaders were talking- all except Firestar who met Leafpool's gaze with shocked green eyes. How could you do this to me?! Tell them what I thought would be :Leafpool longer to get up, to challenge all of them. How many of them had been forced to give up kits? They had no right to judge her, only StarClan could do that. She longed to yowl her moons of pain to the moon, to make Hollyleaf understand that this had all been for the best. That she could be a medicine cat and still love them. That their father didn't matter. Impossible, impossible... :But that was impossible. Impossible, impossible! :"Brambleclaw! Don't do this!" :"You couldn't have told me?" Brambleclaw's meow was nothing but a broken whisper and Squirrelflight's heart ached. What have I done? ''"Didn't you trust me?" :"Of course I trust you, you fur-ball!" Squirrelflight meowed, "But Leafpool didn't want-" :"So I come in second to your sister?" Brambleclaw hissed, spinning around. "I ''love ''you Squirrelflight. If Bluestar came down from StarClan and begged me to keep a secret from you, I don't think I could do it." :Squirrelflight's heart hurt, "We can stay together!" She had imagined them growing old together, retiring and sharing the elders' den together, argueing like Mousefur and Purdy. Anything else was the impossible. :"I don't think so," Brambleclaw meowed, turning away. '''Falling out of love is hard,' :Squirrelflight padded over to Brambleclaw who was assigning patrols. "Can we talk?" :"Forget it Squirrelflight. Mousewhisker, can you switch with Dustpelt...there, better, thanks!" :"Please." :"Squirrelflight, not only did you lie to me, our children are not our children!" Bramableclaw still refused to look at her, "I need some time. So just...just try to fall out of love with me or something." Irritably, he led a small patrol past Squirrelflight. :She stood, shocked. Falling for betrayals worse. :"I mean, I get how hurt he is, but he doesn't have to react like this! Why can't he just pout in his den, then leave it be?" Squirrelflight wailed. :Leafpool was shifting uncomfortably in her nest nest in the warriors' den. "He's really upset," sadness clouded her eyes, "Squirrelflight, I'm sorry..." :"Don't be..." Squirrelflight meowed, gioving her sister a lick on the ear on her way out. Broken trust and broken hearts, :As Squirrelflight entered the clearing, she noticed every cats gaze darted up to her, then back down again. No cat looked at her and she buried her claws in the dirt, wishing more then anything that this was a secret again. Or at least that her Clanmates could accept this. I know...I know. Thinking all you need is there Building faith on love and words Empty promises will wear :"I'll take care of your kits," Squirrelflight had whispered, carrying them back to ThunderClan, "I promise, I won't ever let them know who they are. They'll never be hurt or sad or feel upset. I will love them and care for them and we can protect them together." :Doubt had flashed in Leafpool's eyes, "Promise?" :Squirrelflight had nodded, "I promise." I know...I know. And now, when all is gone There is nothing to say And if you're done with embarrassing me On your own, you can go ahead, tell them Tell them all I know now! Shout it from the rooftops! Write it on the sky line! All we had is gone now! Tell them I was happy, And my heart is broken... All my scars are open! Tell them what I hope would be ''' '''Impossible! Impossible! Impossible! Impossible! I remember years ago... Someone told me I should take caution '' ''When it comes to love! I did. Tell them all I know now! Shout it form the rooftops! Write it on the sky line! All we had is gone now!' Tell them I was happy! And my heart is broken! All my scars are open! Tell them what I hoped would be Impossible! Impossible... Impossible! Impossible... Someone told me years ago, '' ''I should take caution '' ''With love. I did. Category:Artimas Hunter's Fanfics